yay, i’m really glad you set up this blog.
i don’t know where to begin…. im feeling rather disoriented.
(((get ready for some very unedited, extremely disorganized and shamelessly unpunctuated rambling. you've been warned. )))
just a few days a go i was in oregon. my traveling companions were zachariah and happydog. Z & Z one free entity. i might have even been in love with zach. he was so different than anbody i’ve ever met, i wont be able to describe him. raised by “rainbow family” his mom never put him through school, he was “caught” by the state and went through various few foster homes, his father died recently and he was emancipated- the courts decided he could raise himself on his own? he only ever went to one year of schooling- 6th grade- but barely even that, he left everyday, they would find him and bring him back, he would leave again. he can hardly read or write. at first when he was on his own he was working at coffee shops and sushi shops and paying rent and all of that regular stuff, until he realized he could live for esentially for free day to day traveling and scavenging…
when i saw him i felt like we were supposed to be together (not necessarily together together, but together for a little while) we decided one day after only having talked a couple of times, when we were both getting sick of willits (small weed-centric town in northern ca) to hitchhike outta there so we met up at the far end of town and stuck our thumbs out together. we spent two weeks hitchhiking up the 101, seeing the crazy pacific coast huge waves- slept above a beach, underestimated the tide and had to wait four hours in the morning to get out- drove through immensely magical huge old growth redwood forest- decided to go on an ambiguous quest for “hot springs” which we found in oregon- five pools of hot water coming right out of the earth in a lush forest of douglas firs all covered in moss- met a billion strangers turned friends who fed us, told us stories, gave us a lift for 5 miles or 50- slept wherever we could out of sight, in a park under a bridge in the post office on the beach in an apartment that had a “for rent” sign behind a bank in a friend of a friends house….every day felt like we’d lived a lifetime, traveling through so many different realms. we’d be in one place, then we’d decide we didn’t want to be there anymore, so we’d stick our thumbs out and switch realities just like that. then we’d find ourselves in a car watching the scenery fly by, talking with a plumber named will who offered to take us to the laundromat or those two older dudes who kept rolling joints, or the mama with her two baby boys in the back seat who insisted on buying us sandwiches and cheezits, or the chatty waitress with the high school aged daughter who didn’t say much, even though they seemed ‘mainstream” i could tell they actually did liked the quirky hippie jewelry zach gave them. or get this the youngest person to every pick us up- an 18 year old kid who had cut class that day, had never picked up hitchhikers before, gave zach some of his cassette tapes, and didn’t even freak out when happydog threw up in the back seat.
we had all the time in the world to fill with whatever. the challenge was filling it, but it wasn’t really a challenge, because abundance and kindness were everywhere. it was one day at a time. zach would play the painted wooden flute he traded for his hammock. i would try to play my banjo. we would sip our coffee slowly and talk to anybody and everybody. zach showed me how to make hemp necklaces. mine were crappy but he was actually really skilled. mostly he ended up giving away the jewelry he made to wonderful people instead of selling it. someone asked us “so where are your funds coming from?” our response “well… we found five bucks on the side of the highway this morning” everything was a rush, beautiful, madness, exploration, synchronicity, everything i had wanted california to be. we had grand plans to head down south (after all it was getting damn cold and rainy in oregon, time to migrate to warmer climate) to Arizona and do work for stay on farms.
we were outside of eugene, oregon when my body started to freak out and everything slowly started to go downhill as the pain got worse i realized i couldn’t avoid it, i had to deal with it, i was too weak to take care of myself in too deep over my head, far away and alone and after about a week i couldn’t handle it and i knew I had to go home. i’m being pretty vague, I know i’m not being specific but i’m trying to be considerate by sparing the gross details…now I am here, somehow I got here, my fevered head and snail paced walking somehow got me through three different airports and three flights and now ive come home to this resting space where dad and nance are taking care of me and i’m starting to feel human again, i spent the last few days in bed just sleeping and trying not to move but today i actually went into town for a little while. i’m not afraid to drink water anymore, my appetite has come back. … anyways…. it is what it is. it is what it is. it is what it is, it happened for a reason and i’ll rest and fight it til it goes away.
right now theres a lot of time to think about life & existence… im trying to figure out what i want to do over the winter. its so hard to figure out what you want, especially if you believe that anything is possible…. this is all i think i know: i want to be someplace warm. it gets dark so early here!! i want to learn tangible skills. how to build/make/grow things. i want to work in exchange for a place to stay. i want to be doing something helpful for the world/community.
im still really disoriented- one minute i was on the west coast- now i find myself here..
what it really comes down to right now though, the single strongest and most present thought in my mind, is how grateful i am to have a warm, loving, accepting, caring family to come back home to. what a blessing.
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