i'm hurt. i'd be okay with polyblogamy, (maybe even an advocate of it) as long as it involved direct open and honest communication. which you neglected to do. thus hurting me deeply.
anyways that said i'll say what i really wanted to say: i found this girl named carrot's blog and its pretty wonderful and i wanted to share this part that i found particularly wondeful (esp. the part about the beans). i found her blog because i was looking for a ride to philly on craigslist and she posted a listing called "ride freight trains. sleep in a shack in the woods." or something. (http://carrotquinn.blogspot.com)
this was in response to a letter a musician wrote her...
"You have privilege. You’re a young, white, English speaking, able-bodied (I’m assuming all these things) man, living in the most powerful nation on earth. That makes you officially the most privileged person on the entire planet. Which means that no matter what you choose to do, you will have an easier time at it, and access to more resources, than anyone else in, most likely, the entire universe. Which means that if you decide to quit your job and be poor, you’ll have an easier time being poor (and finding another job- the universe will practically force money, comfort and convenience down your throat) than almost every other human being on the face of the planet. If you decide to say ‘fuck it all’ and just travel around, writing songs and performing, the skies, most likely, will split open and life will finally fall down all around you like you’re at god’s birthday party and you’ve just busted the piñata with a wooden baseball bat.But Tyler, you already know that you’re privileged- people like your music- the validation of your fans, in fact, makes you even more privileged- and inside you still feel like the biggest loser in the world- you would rather be the homeless person on the corner than a successful musician with a record label, even though sometimes having a record label seems like the only way to make a living off of doing what you love. Which basically boils down to- you’re ashamed of your privilege and you’re afraid of selling out.
If your whole village was starving, Tyler, and someone gave you a fifty pound bag of dried kidney beans just because you’re white, would you redistribute those kidney beans to the starving masses, or bury them in the ground because you were embarrassed? The fact of the matter is, you have a shit-ton of privilege. That’s reality. So much privilege, it weighs on you like a burlap sack of dried legumes. Privilege, although it gives you access to resources, does not guarantee you access to happiness, precisely because of the self-hatred that comes along with it, mixed in the bag like bits of gravel. But let’s face it- you’ve got that giant sack of kidney beans, it’s not going anywhere, and you’d be a fool to bury it in the ground. What to do? And that brings me to my next point-
You can use your powers for good.
Stop feeling guilty about having the beans in the first place, and give those kidney beans away. Those are magic beans- as soon as you start giving them away, the bag refills- only now it’s not so heavy. Give a hearty “FUCK YOU!” to those who would have you sell your beans, to those who would buy your beans from you and sell them at a markup- fucking give the goddam beans away. Give away the whole goddam pile, sack and all- and know that you’ll find another one, because you’re just infinitely privileged like that. You are a conduit of the universe, and privilege flows through you. You’ve switched the spigot on the rusted pipe of your being, reversing the flow of privilege from the bottom of the pyramid to the top- it is now going down, in a steady, endless stream- down, back to the people it was taken from in the first place. You can do this, and the brilliant part is, it won’t actually make things any harder for you. You just have so much of it, is why. You really, really do.
Using your powers for good can look like a lot of things- and I can’t tell you what your thing will look like- but as soon as you acknowledge your privilege, which is there anyway, because it’s reality- the next fork in the road will be a little clearer, and when it seems to dead-end you won’t have a hard time finding the little footpath, and then you’ll be able to throw down your machete all together and stop hacking the bushes apart in frustration, and so on.
And as far as selling out goes- maybe you don’t like capitalism? That’s tough, because we live in a capitalism. You walk down the sidewalk of capitalism, you buy the coffee of capitalism, you stir in a spoonful of capitalism’s creamer, made from the milk of capitalism’s tortured cows. Again, reality. This capitalism made you, and a little seed of it resides within you, along with the seed for endless sunlit meadows and clean air that never gave anyone asthma. Capitalism is you- don’t hate yourself. At this moment in history we ride on an ocean of flowing money, and to survive in reality, you’ll need some money.
Do what feels right. And if that thing ends up making you some money, fucking use it. Having a little money will give you even more power, and even more potential for doing good. Buy some fucking land, and raise a garden, for godsakes! Buy a building in a neighborhood where people have shit for resources, and start a community center!
And if your problem goes the other direction- if you feel like you need more money to live the way you want, but can’t get that money in any way but a way that makes you feel like shit- take an honest look at the way you live. Do you need a lot of money for rent? Live someplace cheaper. Do you spend a lot of money at the bar? FUCKING STOP. Do you have college loans to pay off? That sucks, maybe you never should have gone to college in the first place. I still think you can figure it out. And if you just want to drop out and follow your dreams, I think you should do it. So what if it ruins your credit? Who the fuck needs credit? You won’t care so much about your credit, will you, WHEN YOU’RE DEAD.
thanks carrot for the food for thought.
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